| my poems that prob suck | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:35 pm | |
| here are some poems i've written the first 3 were for this girl i really liked
My hand longs to hold yours my lips long for your kiss which is why my heart cant stand you moving to kansas you are more beutiful than a dove and you are my true love
her critique for that one was "next time you want to kiss me be less obvious"
i want to take away your anger and sadness and in return give you only happiness but that is as impossible as a monster in lochness because soon you will be in kansas and i will never get to feel your kiss
i gave her this along with a stuffed elmo i won at the carnival. then after we had just talked after school she started dating a guy THE SAME DAY
anytime i se you im happy the exception is when you are with him in which case i feel crappy i know the poems were sappy but why would do something that you know makes me unhappy i know the ugliest thing is jelousy but thats what i feel when you and him are all i see i gave you my heart and you crushed instead of setting it free i guess that is loves fee
she never saw this one and probably never will
then these i wrote a couple nights ago while i was trying to sleep
Disappearing I want to disappear into the background so that i will never be found even by a bloodhound because i wont make a sound it should be easy because im use to hiding behind this mound of pain and fear to which im bound.
Blood There is blood on the floor but i know there is more the pain comes from the core where the true wound is because it you i really miss
this one i wrote during art class and prob really sucks
Jumping off a building jumping off a ledge every single day brings me closer to the edge im crying constantly now i'd kill myself if i could only choose how i dont deserve death my life aint that bad my only problem is a mean dad I wish i could loose all this pain wash it away in the rain Im walking through a field with bullets flying over head And if i make one false move i know i'll be dead
please offer advise and not talk about how bad it is behind my back
Last edited by Junko on Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:37 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Inarius
Number of posts : 123 Registration date : 2008-07-15
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:43 pm | |
| *As you turn around I talk about how badly they suck*
jk they are actually good my poems are, yea....I'll post if you like so you can see that you don't write crappy ones.
Well seeing as you write about what you feel, I can' really offer advice except to try to add different meanings in one poem which I know is hard I've tried yet failed so many times XD | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:46 pm | |
| yeah i have an artist complex where i think anything i write sucks you can post your is if you want but only if you want | |
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Inarius
Number of posts : 123 Registration date : 2008-07-15
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:49 pm | |
| Hey same here I think all my writing sucks to (even though it does!)
Twilight
My life so far I've been living a lie With all these expectations raised to high
The closer I found myself to light Shadows surround me as if it was night
But to many times I've been pushed to far I stand in front of a door that is slightly ajar
I enter the room full of curiousity But what I saw was a true monstrousity
I see a mirror along with what i've become Am i this because what i have done?
Twilight is the meeting between Dusk and Dawn I stare and I blink and it suddenly is gone
and then there is this one
The New Age
Living life today is truely hard Children in Iraq aren't safe in their own backyards
What has our world truely become? It has been consumed by war and guns
Humanity is filled with hatred and greed Isn't love all we really need?
My uncle's a soldier who was sent to war If the war doesn't end then they will need more.
Families have been split,broken apart The war will end when a new age starts
But who knows before then the world might fall and if it does then it will take us all
I thought we went to a better place when we died To bad all of that was a complete lie
Dedicated to a friend who's uncle was sent to the Iraq war....
__________________________________
Here's another one that I made for a friend since his uncle was forced into a war that "I" believe that we shouldn't be in....(just my perspective)
Annnnnnnnnd then there's this
Rise of Humanity
The rise of humanity shouldn't have come at all Because after to much rising we eventually will fall
I am not talking small stumbles like the depression Or what's about to come soon which is the recession
I am talking about the permanent dive we will take It has been determined by one former mistake
We have been to dependant on technology I choose to follow the road of philosophy
I will found out more causes and post it in this place I am warning not only you but the entire human race
About our planets ultimate demise It'll be a tragedy we will witness with our eyes
The Earth will eventually run out of resources Many will die and our planet will be filled with corpses
This does not only affect you but it affects me And I beg you to listen as my only plee
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The Depression and Recession parts only are talking about the united states | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:53 pm | |
| they're pretty good except for a couple lines where you could change the wording | |
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Inarius
Number of posts : 123 Registration date : 2008-07-15
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:56 pm | |
| yea but those were written for when I was like 10, i just typed them up and yea there ya go they're here XD. I also don't have the attention span to revise them anyway, and yet again here is another XD.
But back on topic. Yea, I'm guessing there was a girl you liked at one point on your life? Well hope your next crush will work out better than the ones in your poem. | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:58 pm | |
| it couldn't be worse besides first loves never work out i'm thinkin about askin this one guy out but im waitin til school starts again to do it | |
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Inarius
Number of posts : 123 Registration date : 2008-07-15
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:02 pm | |
| Well best of luck and gtg now. You should keep writing poetry your good at it. (and post whatever poems you want in here, they're interesting.) | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:04 pm | |
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Hellion
Number of posts : 119 Age : 30 Location : Wherever my wings take me Favorite Video Game : Everything Registration date : 2008-07-08
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Tue Jul 29, 2008 3:09 pm | |
| great poems and feel free to read mine if i ever get them posted | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:29 pm | |
| thank you i wrote a couple more
would you If i slit my wrist would you be here If my funeral was tomorrow would you be there If i asked for help would you hear If i did something good would you care If you had happiness would you share
this one doesn't have a name Slit the wrist and watch the blood flow That us the ending to my show Because i have hit an all-time low Maybe now you'll see What is truly wrong with me | |
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Hellion
Number of posts : 119 Age : 30 Location : Wherever my wings take me Favorite Video Game : Everything Registration date : 2008-07-08
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:55 pm | |
| sorry to ask but...do you do all the stuff you talk about in ur poems?Sorry if its to personal just say so | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:06 pm | |
| i dont do it but i have family that did and does. | |
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duckey
Number of posts : 35 Registration date : 2008-07-16
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:06 pm | |
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Junko
Number of posts : 43 Age : 30 Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing Favorite Video Game : God Of War Registration date : 2008-07-27
| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:09 pm | |
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| Subject: Re: my poems that prob suck | |
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| my poems that prob suck | |
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